Do the Write Thing

Doing the Write Thing

2011-08-04T07:42:00.000-07:00

1 John 1:5-10
Light and Darkness, Sin and Forgiveness
5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

I have suddenly felt an overwhelming compulsion to write, even though I have only one follower, or, so it seems.

"I confess, I am a sinner", although prior to becoming a Christian, I thought I was a very "good person". I was a good kid, I obeyed my parents. I was a great teenager, I did not get into trouble, no drugs, alcohol, in fact, I was a virgin when I got married, even though my husband and I dated for 5 years prior.

After marriage, I was a faithful and loving wife and mother, involved in the community, a good friend, and neighbour, and a hard worker. In fact, I believed I was a model citizen among other things. We were blessed with material possessions, a beautiful home, a profitable business, and had what appeared to be the 'perfect life'.

In comparison to what happened after my conversion, I would say I was very good, and our life and family looked very good too. However, something was brewing on the inside of me, and all around us.

(to be continued...)

Day 37 "Good News"

2011-08-03T07:43:00.000-07:00

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."
John 3:16

This morning I read the 37th chapter of the "Purpose Driven Life" which is a huge feat for me since I have began this book 'umpteen' times and always got stuck on and around Chapter 17.

Tears have been rolling down my cheeks, and the words "Save one more for Jesus" keeps ringing in my ears. How, I wonder, had I forgotten such an important thing? The thought also occured to me, that I am not even sure I am saved. I have been living like hell!

Mostly, I have been so centered on self, that I have not seen that souls are dying all around me, my own included. No wonder, I have felt so depressed and worthless. I have been living without a purpose.

Amazingly, by grace, my life has turned around quite a bit lately. I do have a new car, and it seems my relationship with my daughter and grandaughter has been mended. All my other relationships appear to be good, and I feel and urge to start 'doing the Write thing' in all areas of my life.

I have no idea where the next steps on my journey are going to take me, but I am praying they will be in the 'right' direction, and driving me towards my purpose of telling others about the 'Good News'!!!

Day 15 - Formed for God's Family

2011-07-08T07:14:00.000-07:00

It has been pouring rain all night. I don't have any jobs to do today, so I am just kicking back with my "Purpose Driven Life", a great cup of coffee, and Molly, listening to the rain coming down, and the wind blowing.

My new place is finally becoming my own. I have been going to garage sales looking for little knick knacks and treasures. Yesterday, I had lunch with my boss and some of the other ladies who are Merchandisers with P&G. (Including my old friend Laine, whom I have not seen in over a year). It was an enjoyable afternoon. Afterwards, I stopped into Ikea (my favorite store in the whole world), mostly because it is right accross the street from where we had lunch. Have not been there in ages, since my territory has changed.

I found some really good deals, for example some candles in white stoneware, (.49 cents each) and they actually smell good! I bought a plastic plant, and a pot to put it in. I wouldn't normally buy plastic, but due to my place being a basement suite, there isn't a lot of light. A real plant might not survive. I bought a great floor lamp, in white, to brighten up the place. It was only $16.00, but they got me on the lightbulbs for it, as they cost almost as much as the lamp. I also bought a little square end table in white for $7.99 and a stand for my TV that I still have not put together. Perhaps that will be my project for this rainy day.

Well, I am still praying about a car. My upstairs neighbor, has a friend who is going to give me a second opinion on it. I dropped by my daughter Tracy's house to ask if I had any mail, since I am still not recieving it here, and she and Bailey, welcomed me with open arms. I think during my time away, they actually missed me.

Tracy works at a car dealership, and she seems to think she can get me a good deal on a newer car, and while I was there, my friend Andrea stopped by to say hello. (She seemed to have forgotten she did not want to be friends with me anymore).

Andrea wants to continue doing the Purpose Driven Life with me. Last evening I was talking to her on the phone and she offered me her vehicle, she had her licence revolked so it is just sitting idle. I am praying about that, since Andrea and I seem to fall in and out of friendship, far to often.

Anyway, it seems fitting that yesterdays chapter was on relationships, and family, and I find it strange that so many of the people in my life whom were 'estranged' are back. I don't feel so alone now.

I pray the village gets back together, we are family, and we need one another. I really miss everyone.

Looking at the Big Picture

2011-07-06T06:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I drove around Sunny Alberta, from St. Albert, to Spruce Grove, to Stony Plain, to Mayorthorpe, to Whitecourt, to Barhead, to Westlock, and back again to St. Albert.

After looking at the map, I drove in a tiny circle, in the grand scope of things I didn't travel all that far. A bit like my life...in the grand scope of things, my problems are very small.

"This too shall pass".

I have decided NOT to fix my old car. No sense throwing more good money after bad. However now I am not quite sure what to do next. I am praying...

Day 14 - Trusting

2011-07-05T06:33:00.000-07:00

"The Lord has hidden himself from his people, but I trust Him and place my hope in Him" Isaiah 8:17

Well, another day has passed and I have still not accomplished anything. I am officially in a funk, and it began when the mechanic called me in regard to my car. It is the timing belt...and he said I may need a new motor too, since I was driving the car when it went.

He said he could not tell if the motor was gone, until he put in the belt, and started the car. Just great.

I just don't know what to do. I just finished putting new tires and new struts and tie rod ends on this car. God, where are you? I can not afford this, and I can not afford a new car either. UGH! I need you to show me the way.

I've been praying, but mostly just feeling stressed and 'down in the dumps'. I just don't understand.

I suppose, I have no alternative but to trust Him, for I have no where else to turn right now. I need to get on with 'what I am supposed to do'. Do the 'write thing', and 'do the right thing'.

If only I was sure what the right thing is. Show me God I pray.

Day Fourteen says "For God has said, 'I will never leave you, I will never abandon you.'" Hebrews 13:5

Today, I am trusting in Him to lead me out of this darkness.

Day 14 - When God Seems Distant

2011-07-04T07:18:00.000-07:00

10 And here is my judgment about what is best for you in this matter. Last year you were the first not only to give but also to have the desire to do so. 11 Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. 12 For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what one does not have.
2 Corinthians 8:10-12

God has seemed distant to me for a very long time. However, I know it is me who has created the distance. I have been distracted, and for some reason unknown to me, I just can not focus.

This morning I awoke feeling 'overwhelmed', in fact, I did not sleep much last night because my mind was reeling. I feel more tired this morning than I did when I went to bed last night. I was disturbed.

This was the Canada Day Weekend, and July 1, Friday was the holiday. I spent the day with my son Adam, his wife Ashley, and my oldest son Niels, who lives in California, and who is getting married in October, here in Canada, to a Canadian girl.

We went for lunch, then sat on my son's deck and chatted. They decided to go out dancing for the evening, so I opted out and went home around 6 p.m. When I got home, Tammy, my new landlord, was sitting on her deck alone, so we ended up chatting until her boyfriend got home. They went to watch the fireworks, but I opted out of that and fell asleep on the couch watching TV. I was perfectly happy.

On Saturday, I planned on cleaning house, spending time with God, studying, taking Molly for a long walk, and doing some yoga. Instead, I ended up sitting on the deck with my landlord Tammy and her mom Shirley, drinking coolers, and when it got dark, we lit a fire and sat around laughing, it was a light-hearted day. We were up past two in the a.m.

I did get up to go to church. They did a play, and we all participated in a 'Jewish Wedding'. The children danced around and had a joyful time, until the wine ran out (not really-in the play). Then Jesus turned water into wine, and the festivities continued. I really enjoyed it.

Afterwards I went to a garage sale, and this man gave me a bunch of 'free stuff', which I thought I could use my creative abilities to restore. Let's see how that goes.

Again, I had planned on doing the things, I am supposed to do, but again ended up, helping Tammy plant flowers, and paint the fence. However, later in the day when her boyfriend came home, they ended up in a big fight. He was very verbally abusive and I was very disturbed over it, and ended up worrying about her safety, and mine for that matter, since he threatened to burn down the house with us in it.

How do I get myself in these messes!!!

I can't get involved in this, I must focus on what I must do.

Day 13 - Worship that Pleases God

2011-07-01T10:45:00.000-07:00

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." Mark 12: 30

Wow, after reading yesterday's post, the truth is even hard for me to read. Things took another turn for the worse however, because, on the way home from work, my car broke down, again. It just stopped running.

On a good note, my daughter Tracy, must have paid our cell phone bill, since she is on my plan and her phone went off too. Service was restored yesterday afternoon.

Thank God for that, otherwise I would have been stranded on a country road, with no cell phone. I did call my son Adam, and he came to my rescue. I had the car towed to a place in St. Albert, which cost me the rest of my grocery money until payday, next Thursday.

My son, let me use his car again, which does not make me feel good at all. I feel like a sponge. I am thankful. It is pretty hard to do my job without a car, and like I said before, if I don't work, I don't eat. Mind you, that could be a great weight loss program. Hope I don't have to resort to using it.

Now back to my friendship with God, and the Purpose Driven Life: It says that God likes when we are honest, and I am trying to be as brutally honest with Him as I possibly can. However, I think that works both ways.

While I was driving to work, I believe God reminded me of the things I was supposed to be doing when I got back to Canada in December. I was supposed to be tying up loose ends. I was supposed to get my taxes done, and sent in. I was supposed to get rid of all my stuff from my daughters basement, I was supposed to pay off my bills, and start saving some money, and most important of all, I was supposed to study for my California Real Estate Licence. And, I was supposed to work out and get into shape, and figure out what I was going to do with my car.

Did I? Nope. I did do my taxes, but I did not send them in. I did get rid of the stuff in my daughter's basement, but now it is in the place I rented. Sort of one step forward and one back. As far as 'paying bills' goes, I am even more in debt, after fixing my car and moving into my new place.

I started off good. I worked out and did, and worked hard, and tried to study, but there was too much distraction at my daughters house, at least, that was my excuse. Excuses, Excuses, Excuses...I think my friend God is tired of them. He has thrown the ball back in my park, and now I know without a doubt, it is I who has to "DO SOMETHING"!!!

I realize, I am back at SQUARE ONE, and have no one to blame but myself. I must dig in and start doing what God told me to do. I pray He will give me another chance. I think He will, and I know He is a God of SECOND CHANCES.

"Now God, all I need is the energy to do what I am told, that is going to have to come from you, thanks God.

Day 12 - Developing My Friendship with God

2011-06-30T06:12:00.000-07:00

I am pretty sure God has disposed of ALL my friends and family, and my followers too. I am pretty much on my own these days. It is nice to be able to blame someone, and I understand the 'big guy' has huge shoulders.

I've been doing some crying, and it seems to me the tears fall strait down my cheeks and I certainly don't feel any strong arms around me telling me 'everthing is going to be ok'. I hate being alone, it is my greatest fear, and now it seems to be my reality.

I do have Molly, she is my little doggie, whom I love very much. However, I am supposed to be developing my friendship with God. I am finding that very difficult. "Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you" James 4:8. Easier said than done.

The book (The Purpose Driven Life) says I must choose to be honest with God. So, God, the truth is, I am not really sure how to 'draw close to you'. I suspect, I have taken that step by picking up this book and reading it everyday in order to find my purpose, the purpose you have for me. Yet, this morning, I just did not want to get up and face this world. I have no passion, not for you, or for anyone, or for anything. Not for this book, not for my job, no passion in my life. I feel boxed in, and my greatest desire is to curl up and sleep. My life is just plain hard.

My cell phone got cut off for non-payment the other day. It makes me feel even more cut off from the world, and like a loser of sorts. I have a choice: to pay my rent and eat, or pay my phone and wait for 'no one' to call.

I know I am a bit strapped because I had to rent a place of my own, and fix my car. All my savings are now gone on rent, damage deposits, utilities, and car repair bills. I was hoping for something better, honestly God, I don't understand why you keep me here in this place I detest. If it isn't snowing, it is pouring rain, or so hot and humid and mosquito ridden, that you can't enjoy the sun shine.

I am trying to accept this, mostly because I think it is the only way to survive, but the truth is God, I find it very hard to accept my life the way it is right now. The truth is God, this life of nothingness is 'killing me'. Where is the 'abundant life' you promised? Please help me see it and feel grateful because 'I don't feel grateful for this'!!!

Andrea called me 'angry' I think she is right. I am a bit angry with you for the way my life has turned out. "Help Me" if you won't change my circumstances, 'please, o please, change my heart'.

I must obey you, so, I am off to work, for if I don't work I don't eat. Honestly God, I am not excited about my job. Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work I go! It really isn't about obediance, it is really about fear. That is the truth

Becoming Best Friends with God - Day 11

2011-06-28T05:36:00.000-07:00

Well, my travelling buddy didn't last long. She kept picking arguements with me, in fact, she was becoming very difficult to get along with. I suspect she does not want to be accountable, and wants to go back to her old life. She thinks I am an angry person, and she said she can not associate with an angry woman, as per the bible.

I may be angry, but prior to her getting in my car on Sunday morning and wanting to argue, I was feeling rather happy. Anyway she broke off the friendship. It is ok, we have been friends for a long time, and it has happened several times before. I should know better.

Anyway, yesterday's chapter was on Surrender. It is the heart of worship. Surrender is not easy, at least, not for me. I am not sure I even know what it means. It usually makes me feel sad and depressed, however, the truth is I can feel that way on my own. My life, living the way I am living, just is not working. When I think of surrendering, I think of throwing up my hands and giving up.

I feel that way this morning...like giving up. Yes, I give up. I surrender...

I could just stay home and pull my covers over my head and forget the day, that's how I feel, but unfortunately, I have to pay my rent. I am not excited about being homeless.

Well, the job I was planning on doing just cancelled, so, I can stay home and pull my covers over my head. Great! I think it may be time to look for a new job. I am hardly making enough to pay the rent anyway. I fear homelessness is just a pay check away. I suppose I need to surrender that too.

I am rambling, I know. But I am doing the "write thing", I think.

Recently, I had some blood work done, etc. and yesterday the Dr. gave me a "clean bill of health" for which I am thankful. He did say however that my kidney's were not working 100%, but thought it was not something to be concerned with.

I am thankful for that too, but think I should start drinking more water. I have not been doing that lately. He said to cut down on the salt too. I surrender my salt.

So, I suppose since I now have 'no friends or followers', it is ideal that today's chapter is "Becoming Best Friends with God".

Hi God,
I hear you want to be my friend. I suppose if I talk to you outloud in public, people are going to think I have 'fallen off the deep end', however, I do need a friend. Not sure how this will work exactly, but ok.

Back at Square One

2011-06-24T06:15:00.000-07:00

So much has happened since Christmas. I ended up getting my job back, and after trying without success to buy a new car, since mine broke down, I ended up fixing my old one and now I am back living in a basement suite, in Canada.

I was supposed to come back and tie up loose ends, and head back to California, however, it just did not work out that way. I am back at square one, with no money saved, even more debt, and I am paying more rent than before, and I only recieved a 50 cent raise at work.

I am also doing the Purpose Driven Life AGAIN. I am at odds with my daughter, and not allowed to see my grandaughter. I am also rather sad, but not depressed, however it is summer.

I moved into my suite June 1st, and already the basement flooded, and the girl upstairs had her boyfriend move in, he smokes, in the house. So, I am in the midst of a financial dilemma, and my situation is becoming quite unhealthy.

I put my back out moving into my place. I had minimal help. However, I am putting all that behind me and moving forward.

I am thinking that life will get better, if I begin doing the things I know I am supposed to do. The most important is obeying that 'still small voice' that I know as God. I really have to listen carefully to hear that voice these days, since there is so much other stuff going on and so many louder voices calling for my attention. For example TV.

I know I have to stop being a couch potato, and stop watching all those shows like Criminal Minds, 48 Hour Mystery, etc. etc. These type of shows always capture my attention, but only result in making me fearful, and a bit cynical.

Actually there are a million changes I need to make, however, I am making "The Purpose Driven Life" a priority. It is my way of trying to 'put God first.'

I am on Chapter 6 today, and this time on my journey, I have a friend travelling with me. My friend is Andrea. In a few minutes we are going to be meeting for breakfast to discuss the chapter. I will be back later on...

The Miracles of Christmas

2010-12-29T09:04:00.000-08:00

Since November 23 I have been in Sunny California enjoying spending time with family and old friends. I feel blessed beyond measure. No matter what happens next, I will feel the happiness of these days forever.

Yesterday, I lost my job in Canada. This was totally unexpected since I had made arrangements to have someone else do my jobs for me while I was gone, and there was only about 5 hours a week worth of work for the entire month of December. I suppose I could make all kind of excuses about why it happened, but really I have no one to blame, except myself. Perhaps it was meant to be, and I am beginning to believe all things happen for a reason. However it leaves me with a bit of a dilemma, well actually a huge dilemma since I now have no income.

All morning I have been trying to figure out what to do next. The weird thing is, I feel at peace. I am not stressing nor fretting, at least not yet. Perhaps reality has not set in, or I truly believe God has a better plan for me, than I could even ask for or imagine.