Thursday, August 4, 2011

Doing the Write Thing

1 John 1:5-10
Light and Darkness, Sin and Forgiveness
5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

I have suddenly felt an overwhelming compulsion to write, even though I have only one follower, or, so it seems.

"I confess, I am a sinner", although prior to becoming a Christian, I thought I was a very "good person". I was a good kid, I obeyed my parents. I was a great teenager, I did not get into trouble, no drugs, alcohol, in fact, I was a virgin when I got married, even though my husband and I dated for 5 years prior.

After marriage, I was a faithful and loving wife and mother, involved in the community, a good friend, and neighbour, and a hard worker. In fact, I believed I was a model citizen among other things. We were blessed with material possessions, a beautiful home, a profitable business, and had what appeared to be the 'perfect life'.

In comparison to what happened after my conversion, I would say I was very good, and our life and family looked very good too. However, something was brewing on the inside of me, and all around us.

(to be continued...)

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Day 37 "Good News"

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."
John 3:16

This morning I read the 37th chapter of the "Purpose Driven Life" which is a huge feat for me since I have began this book 'umpteen' times and always got stuck on and around Chapter 17.

Tears have been rolling down my cheeks, and the words "Save one more for Jesus" keeps ringing in my ears. How, I wonder, had I forgotten such an important thing? The thought also occured to me, that I am not even sure I am saved. I have been living like hell!

Mostly, I have been so centered on self, that I have not seen that souls are dying all around me, my own included. No wonder, I have felt so depressed and worthless. I have been living without a purpose.

Amazingly, by grace, my life has turned around quite a bit lately. I do have a new car, and it seems my relationship with my daughter and grandaughter has been mended. All my other relationships appear to be good, and I feel and urge to start 'doing the Write thing' in all areas of my life.

I have no idea where the next steps on my journey are going to take me, but I am praying they will be in the 'right' direction, and driving me towards my purpose of telling others about the 'Good News'!!!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Day 15 - Formed for God's Family

It has been pouring rain all night. I don't have any jobs to do today, so I am just kicking back with my "Purpose Driven Life", a great cup of coffee, and Molly, listening to the rain coming down, and the wind blowing.

My new place is finally becoming my own. I have been going to garage sales looking for little knick knacks and treasures. Yesterday, I had lunch with my boss and some of the other ladies who are Merchandisers with P&G. (Including my old friend Laine, whom I have not seen in over a year). It was an enjoyable afternoon. Afterwards, I stopped into Ikea (my favorite store in the whole world), mostly because it is right accross the street from where we had lunch. Have not been there in ages, since my territory has changed.

I found some really good deals, for example some candles in white stoneware, (.49 cents each) and they actually smell good! I bought a plastic plant, and a pot to put it in. I wouldn't normally buy plastic, but due to my place being a basement suite, there isn't a lot of light. A real plant might not survive. I bought a great floor lamp, in white, to brighten up the place. It was only $16.00, but they got me on the lightbulbs for it, as they cost almost as much as the lamp. I also bought a little square end table in white for $7.99 and a stand for my TV that I still have not put together. Perhaps that will be my project for this rainy day.

Well, I am still praying about a car. My upstairs neighbor, has a friend who is going to give me a second opinion on it. I dropped by my daughter Tracy's house to ask if I had any mail, since I am still not recieving it here, and she and Bailey, welcomed me with open arms. I think during my time away, they actually missed me.

Tracy works at a car dealership, and she seems to think she can get me a good deal on a newer car, and while I was there, my friend Andrea stopped by to say hello. (She seemed to have forgotten she did not want to be friends with me anymore).

Andrea wants to continue doing the Purpose Driven Life with me. Last evening I was talking to her on the phone and she offered me her vehicle, she had her licence revolked so it is just sitting idle. I am praying about that, since Andrea and I seem to fall in and out of friendship, far to often.

Anyway, it seems fitting that yesterdays chapter was on relationships, and family, and I find it strange that so many of the people in my life whom were 'estranged' are back. I don't feel so alone now.

I pray the village gets back together, we are family, and we need one another. I really miss everyone.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Looking at the Big Picture

Yesterday, I drove around Sunny Alberta, from St. Albert, to Spruce Grove, to Stony Plain, to Mayorthorpe, to Whitecourt, to Barhead, to Westlock, and back again to St. Albert.

After looking at the map, I drove in a tiny circle, in the grand scope of things I didn't travel all that far. A bit like my the grand scope of things, my problems are very small.

"This too shall pass".

I have decided NOT to fix my old car. No sense throwing more good money after bad. However now I am not quite sure what to do next. I am praying...

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Day 14 - Trusting

"The Lord has hidden himself from his people, but I trust Him and place my hope in Him" Isaiah 8:17

Well, another day has passed and I have still not accomplished anything. I am officially in a funk, and it began when the mechanic called me in regard to my car. It is the timing belt...and he said I may need a new motor too, since I was driving the car when it went.

He said he could not tell if the motor was gone, until he put in the belt, and started the car. Just great.

I just don't know what to do. I just finished putting new tires and new struts and tie rod ends on this car. God, where are you? I can not afford this, and I can not afford a new car either. UGH! I need you to show me the way.

I've been praying, but mostly just feeling stressed and 'down in the dumps'. I just don't understand.

I suppose, I have no alternative but to trust Him, for I have no where else to turn right now. I need to get on with 'what I am supposed to do'. Do the 'write thing', and 'do the right thing'.

If only I was sure what the right thing is. Show me God I pray.

Day Fourteen says "For God has said, 'I will never leave you, I will never abandon you.'" Hebrews 13:5

Today, I am trusting in Him to lead me out of this darkness.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Day 14 - When God Seems Distant

10 And here is my judgment about what is best for you in this matter. Last year you were the first not only to give but also to have the desire to do so. 11 Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. 12 For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what one does not have.
2 Corinthians 8:10-12

God has seemed distant to me for a very long time. However, I know it is me who has created the distance. I have been distracted, and for some reason unknown to me, I just can not focus.

This morning I awoke feeling 'overwhelmed', in fact, I did not sleep much last night because my mind was reeling. I feel more tired this morning than I did when I went to bed last night. I was disturbed.

This was the Canada Day Weekend, and July 1, Friday was the holiday. I spent the day with my son Adam, his wife Ashley, and my oldest son Niels, who lives in California, and who is getting married in October, here in Canada, to a Canadian girl.

We went for lunch, then sat on my son's deck and chatted. They decided to go out dancing for the evening, so I opted out and went home around 6 p.m. When I got home, Tammy, my new landlord, was sitting on her deck alone, so we ended up chatting until her boyfriend got home. They went to watch the fireworks, but I opted out of that and fell asleep on the couch watching TV. I was perfectly happy.

On Saturday, I planned on cleaning house, spending time with God, studying, taking Molly for a long walk, and doing some yoga. Instead, I ended up sitting on the deck with my landlord Tammy and her mom Shirley, drinking coolers, and when it got dark, we lit a fire and sat around laughing, it was a light-hearted day. We were up past two in the a.m.

I did get up to go to church. They did a play, and we all participated in a 'Jewish Wedding'. The children danced around and had a joyful time, until the wine ran out (not really-in the play). Then Jesus turned water into wine, and the festivities continued. I really enjoyed it.

Afterwards I went to a garage sale, and this man gave me a bunch of 'free stuff', which I thought I could use my creative abilities to restore. Let's see how that goes.

Again, I had planned on doing the things, I am supposed to do, but again ended up, helping Tammy plant flowers, and paint the fence. However, later in the day when her boyfriend came home, they ended up in a big fight. He was very verbally abusive and I was very disturbed over it, and ended up worrying about her safety, and mine for that matter, since he threatened to burn down the house with us in it.

How do I get myself in these messes!!!

I can't get involved in this, I must focus on what I must do.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Day 13 - Worship that Pleases God

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." Mark 12: 30

Wow, after reading yesterday's post, the truth is even hard for me to read. Things took another turn for the worse however, because, on the way home from work, my car broke down, again. It just stopped running.

On a good note, my daughter Tracy, must have paid our cell phone bill, since she is on my plan and her phone went off too. Service was restored yesterday afternoon.

Thank God for that, otherwise I would have been stranded on a country road, with no cell phone. I did call my son Adam, and he came to my rescue. I had the car towed to a place in St. Albert, which cost me the rest of my grocery money until payday, next Thursday.

My son, let me use his car again, which does not make me feel good at all. I feel like a sponge. I am thankful. It is pretty hard to do my job without a car, and like I said before, if I don't work, I don't eat. Mind you, that could be a great weight loss program. Hope I don't have to resort to using it.

Now back to my friendship with God, and the Purpose Driven Life: It says that God likes when we are honest, and I am trying to be as brutally honest with Him as I possibly can. However, I think that works both ways.

While I was driving to work, I believe God reminded me of the things I was supposed to be doing when I got back to Canada in December. I was supposed to be tying up loose ends. I was supposed to get my taxes done, and sent in. I was supposed to get rid of all my stuff from my daughters basement, I was supposed to pay off my bills, and start saving some money, and most important of all, I was supposed to study for my California Real Estate Licence. And, I was supposed to work out and get into shape, and figure out what I was going to do with my car.

Did I? Nope. I did do my taxes, but I did not send them in. I did get rid of the stuff in my daughter's basement, but now it is in the place I rented. Sort of one step forward and one back. As far as 'paying bills' goes, I am even more in debt, after fixing my car and moving into my new place.

I started off good. I worked out and did, and worked hard, and tried to study, but there was too much distraction at my daughters house, at least, that was my excuse. Excuses, Excuses, Excuses...I think my friend God is tired of them. He has thrown the ball back in my park, and now I know without a doubt, it is I who has to "DO SOMETHING"!!!

I realize, I am back at SQUARE ONE, and have no one to blame but myself. I must dig in and start doing what God told me to do. I pray He will give me another chance. I think He will, and I know He is a God of SECOND CHANCES.

"Now God, all I need is the energy to do what I am told, that is going to have to come from you, thanks God.